even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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