Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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