my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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