The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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