I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
