We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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