in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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