Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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