All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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