He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
