whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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