Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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