you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
