I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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