i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
