Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont even know how to be here
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
