I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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