I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Boobs are out for the taking
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
