dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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