You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
