He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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