We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
