I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
