he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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