just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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