I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
