Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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