So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
