I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
