I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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