I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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