from now on my penis is your penis
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
