so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
