A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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