What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
