And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
