I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
