Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
