god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
