just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
