every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
