Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
