am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
