I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
