At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
