Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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