I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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