Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
