I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
