Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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