Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
