I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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