Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
